always when you least expect it

I was given the news that my cousin is pregnant. This is the cousin that we always thought would probably never have kids, because of medical problems that unfortunately run in our family. Having the same medical problems, I chose to not aggressively attempt to treat mine at a younger age. And now as well, because of the fear of never being able to have another child. I have the dream of having another baby, would love to give my husband-future husband- a child. I have an 11 year old, that I gave birth to at 16, with my mother being the 'control freak' she is, the experience of motherhood was never something that was offered for me.
When my mother told me, I had chills run down my body, I was and still am soo excited for her, Im even threatening her to sit down and rest or else from 300 miles away almost but still. For a few years they had been trying to conceive, did one round of fertility drugs, which we all just remembered 5 minutes ago..and we joked about the nightmares and scary times if she did have twins, it was all a good laugh. Her brother screamed when she called him at work, her younger brother,almost passed out. But we are all in the end soo happy for her, I cant say I could picture her as a mother, possibly because we believed that it was something that would never happen maybe. I dont know, but I am so anxious and excited, and antsy for her moment. They stopped trying to conceive, her husband told her "maybe you need to go test yourself because babe, you're being pretty mean and you're eating everything." And wouldnt you know. Here comes baby, or two. Her mother, my aunt, said noooo ONE HEALTHY BABY!! They have also forgot twins run in our family-my mothers a twin, and fertility drugs, hmm, its not looking too good. But still its exciting to see someone else's dream come true when they least expected it.

RESOLUTIONS

I was watching television tonight..Entertainment TONIGHT to be exact..and they were speaking of New Years Resolutions, they were asking stars or those who are infamous- Kevin Federline was one, dont really remember what he said..But, Sharon Stone who is somewhat admirable said the most compelling thing about resolutions, I dont make them because I try to work on myself contiunously..
I was saying to myself Amen sister!
I attempted to make a resolution one year, I did say attempt..But I didnt get to the 2nd day of January and it was all out the window. I actually forget about it till the next new years eve..
I have alot of plans for the year and contiuously working on myself and ways I can improve who I am, what Im doing, even when Im tired of 'myself' working. To know your assets, your faults, and what you most definitely dont possess and should, is to humbly submit yourself to the pressure of life, society, an occasional self butt kicking, to struggle but see the brighter side, to be optimistic when you are thinking negatively, to cry and pick yourself up, to fall and get back up with dignity or even some shame..To really know who you are, where you stand,what you are, and who you are not!
There are alot of things that I am not, and Im not talking about the 'I dont steal or lie' not's. For example, Im not as sympathetic as I should be, I dont have the heart to be a nurse, yet I know I would get emotionally attached to sick children and their families..I know Im lacking that emotion that most nurses have..I said most! I know that I cant draw a stick man, but I can as my mother puts it, baffle em with brilliance and fool 'em with B.S., Ive always wondered if that was good! I can write a research paper that would sear the depths of hell and really only read half of the material...
I know that I can talk to anyone and get along with anyone if they are sane or at least medicated for insanity, thats not always good, end up talking too long to strangers in Walmart or the gas station! I know what Im good at, what Im not, what Im willing to learn, and what just 'AINT' happening!
I have big plans for the year, goals that I would like to meet, things and places that I would like to do, well see for the places..lol
I have been saying for weeks that I am going to write today, Im going to write..Now that Christmas is over with and most of the dramatic soap opera moments are rolling their credits,today is a new day,and a new post tomorrow..I need a good end line..Sorry for the ramble, random thoughts, and I hope the moral of the story can be found in there somewhere..
ALSO: I sincerely thank all of you who have sent comments to me about the blog, it is greatly appreciated especially knowing that someone gets my sense of humor, my stories,the moral, the line, and the skinny of the long drawn out version..Thank you very much!