always when you least expect it

I was given the news that my cousin is pregnant. This is the cousin that we always thought would probably never have kids, because of medical problems that unfortunately run in our family. Having the same medical problems, I chose to not aggressively attempt to treat mine at a younger age. And now as well, because of the fear of never being able to have another child. I have the dream of having another baby, would love to give my husband-future husband- a child. I have an 11 year old, that I gave birth to at 16, with my mother being the 'control freak' she is, the experience of motherhood was never something that was offered for me.
When my mother told me, I had chills run down my body, I was and still am soo excited for her, Im even threatening her to sit down and rest or else from 300 miles away almost but still. For a few years they had been trying to conceive, did one round of fertility drugs, which we all just remembered 5 minutes ago..and we joked about the nightmares and scary times if she did have twins, it was all a good laugh. Her brother screamed when she called him at work, her younger brother,almost passed out. But we are all in the end soo happy for her, I cant say I could picture her as a mother, possibly because we believed that it was something that would never happen maybe. I dont know, but I am so anxious and excited, and antsy for her moment. They stopped trying to conceive, her husband told her "maybe you need to go test yourself because babe, you're being pretty mean and you're eating everything." And wouldnt you know. Here comes baby, or two. Her mother, my aunt, said noooo ONE HEALTHY BABY!! They have also forgot twins run in our family-my mothers a twin, and fertility drugs, hmm, its not looking too good. But still its exciting to see someone else's dream come true when they least expected it.

ARE YOU READY??!!!!!

We have so far had so many things that have happened since the beginning of the New Year..are they worth mentioning in all honesty? Some are, some are not..On January 1st, I committed to believing in my mind and heart that 2006 would only be a blurry and very very foggy memory that I learned valuable lessons from. Mistakes I would not repeat, people I hope to never see, family who I will allow to no longer use,mistreat,manipulate,or any other thing/act a family member isnt supposed to do to someone they love...
To live, fully live, is to fully embrace "CHANGE"...That is something that I believe, we get used to things the way that they are, we feel secure with how our situation is and we are left afraid of what we dont know or are unfamiliar with..Why should we? You can't live, you can't breathe, you can't FULLY LIVE!! You will only know what you see on TV, you will only know what you read in books, you will only live each day to see,feel,think,taste what you have day in and day out felt,thought,tasted,did,acted, and my dears, what is the point.?
Why not step outside your comfort zone, step outside of what for 10 years, 25 years, or 50 years, you have always known, and see what it feels like to really be free, to really feel, to experience something different..Im not saying go cheat on your spouse, steal, rob, kill, USE COMMON SENSE please..Go skydiving, go hiking, cook something you have never made before and laugh when you half ass burn up the kitchen and still smell that stuff a week later..And laugh, laugh at yourself, dont always take yourself so seriously, and dont believe everything you hear and read..just take from it what applies to yourself and be happy..Dont let someone else decide your fate,your joy, your sadness, your pain, your tears for you..ITS YOUR TIME...NEW YEAR, NEW YOU..a good song, Tim McGraw 'live like you were dying'

when we think of...

When we think of Christmas what do we really expect? I know we have the religious meaning of when Christ was born..But as asociety, what do we expect right now? We are at war, our economy is supposedly rising but most of us are struggling to make amends after forking out half a kidney when nothing was everything..So what do we expect..Its bad when we have to work extra hours to get our child that expensive game-psp, wii, ps3 or whatever..its even worse when you cant afford it right?..do we expect to be able to get everyone a gift..what about those who are recovering from last years devastations? What about those that have no idea where their family may be..what about the people who have no one to visit them...or feel like no one even gives a rats arse about them..
Its very hard for me to get into the holiday spirit as I have had a rough year..But I do so for my son..and for those around me, for those that are less fortunate..for those who I know could have it alot worse than myself..While many of us whine about not getting that BIG RING, PRADA Bag, or that vacation to Fiji we wanted..Guess what, Its been years since I received a gift..and didnt get one this year..In all honesty, it would have been nice, I probably would have cried, because of the thought that someone thought about me..
Being a single mom,its hard as hell, have my parents to help me out, and theyve been there even when I really WANT to do it myself and most of the time I will..But I do receive my gift every day that I wake up and see his smile,or listen to him sing some song that I cant get out of my head for a week, or sad to say when the cat is running from him and he's yelling Baby dont leave, I'll change..Or see him do the D-Generation X thingy from Wresting and pass gas..He would so die if he saw this..and disclaimer never said my family was normal..Last night we were almost peeing on ourselves laughing having snot tissue fights with his tissue, while it may be gross to some, its a moment for me..Its my Christmas..While I feel like Ive been beat up, hog tied and beat up again everytime I try to stand up, its my present to see that my son can smile at what he was fortunate enough to get even if mommy did have to give her kidneys,bladder, colon, and right eye...Merry CHRISTmas..and the blogs will come more often now..we will pick up where I was supposed to start off..oh and in the process of building a website for careers,resume,employment,work at home,etc etc..and shopping of course..

apologies

I apologize for my lack of presence, one of my cousins from Chicago was found dead the next morning by his wife. But I will be back full force in the next day or so after funeral arrangements have been made and all else has been settled, his mother is the oldest child of 15 kids, and my grandmother raised her sister's 6 kids..One thing about compassion, and I knew that I wasnt meant to be a nurse because of this, I always have found myself feeling a mother's pain when they have to bury their child. I have a son, but just the inkling of the thought, the It Could Be Me hypothesis..I dont know what I would do or where I would be if I ever had to do that, so my sympathy and heartfelt condolences go out to any parent, mother, grandmother, that has to experience that pain..My prayers are with you.